UNDERSTAND. ACCEPT. MOVE ON.
These are the 3 words my friend told me after my
ex-boyfriend broke up with me. I thought it would be easy but I was wrong.. I thought I'd be okay in a month or two but I was wrong again. How can you understand something that just ruined your dream of having a happy ending?.. and your dream of having that "forever"? I felt like a was in a black hole. Literally. Being sucked in and stretched as fuck by magnets.. fckn black hole.
Tanga din ako e. I would stalk him and his 'girls'
EVERY SINGLE DAY just to check if he's already flirting with someone he works with. (Which, I know, is really stupid -- considering the fact that my goal here is to move on, not to cling to our past) As in his Facebook and Twitter are the ones I check the moment I wake up and before I go to sleep. How pathetic, right? I even told myself that I'll undergo a transformation slash
beautification (GRR - Gandang Ricky Reyes) with this thought in my mind -- "
Gusto kong gumanda para balikan niya ko. As in te, yung kabog talaga!" It's like I'll do whatever it takes for him to notice me and make him want me back. For 4 or 5 months, I've been fooling myself with the hope that he'll want me back. It was really hard to act tough and strong in front of my friends -- well, I guess they already know that I'm in denial whenever I say that I'm okay and I'm over my ex. I remember my friend, Lira, read me a post on Tumblr or Thought Catalog (?) about the steps or phases in moving on.. There's this phase wherein
you think you've already moved on but in reality, you haven't. That moment when you wake up and you feel happy that you're single; come night time, you cry yourself to sleep and you can't stop cursing him for leaving you. Crazy crazy
crazy. Following that is when you'll encounter what they call "
RELAPSE" wherein you're okay but sweet memories of you guys together suddenly pops in you head and poof! you go crazy.. again. It's really funny how accurate that post/blog entry is.
Swak na swak. Looking back at the last 4 crazy months, I can say that I'm proud of myself. Ang dami kong questions na tinanong sa friends ko hoping that they know the answer that might help me move on -- like
"sa tingin mo, bakit mahal ko parin siya kahit ang sama sama niya sakin?" LOL emo kid right here (///_x) Well anyway at least I can say that I've moved on or I'm moving on one step at a time..
Nagkakamali at times but, well, it's part of it.. I keep on looking back. I'm so happy that I didn't try to kill my self this time. HAHA C-R-A-Z-Y. After all the relapses I've experienced; the stalking that I've done; the breakdown that I went through; the 4 months of being stupid and after 3 secret meet-ups with him.. I can say that I am now ready to leave the past behind. It's hard to leave behind something that acted as a core to my everyday life but one way or another, I just have to let it go and close that chapter of my life.
It's time for me to get back on my feet and move on.. surely something or someone better awaits me in the future.
+ + + They say that I should cut my ties with the people that reminds me of him. I disagree. I'm so thankful that I'm still friends with his friends.. (true friends ko rin sila huhu) As a matter of fact, they somehow helped me to move on.
Perly Liao (Skies)
Thank you, Tito Perls!! Sure na to. I'm done! Since happy ka na sa love life mo, dapat ako din. HAHA
The Couples (College friends)
Janella Lua, Adette Raralio, Joshua Raralio and Raffy Raralio
Thank you for meeting up with me last time! Sorry if ginugulo ko kayo with my love questions. Hihi! I'll see you 4 soon! No more triple dates, 5th wheel madness na but it's all G! Thanks for still being there for me kahit sabit lang ako. I love you, guys! I miss you.
Blu Sicat and Ron Buenaventura (Highschool friends)
Thank you sa pag sama sakin sa QQ state of laaayf -- cyber inuman. Huhu love you both!
...
His brother/my sissy,
Ryan Santiago
Hi sissy! Thank you for helping me move on. Although we're not of the same blood or family tree, I still see you as my little brother slash pretty sister. Other people say that it's awkward to be close to the brother of my ex AKA you but it's actually.. steads. Haha! Thank you for taking care of me and protecting me whenever we go out. There's never a dull moment with you, sissy! I love how we can act crazy when we're together! Especially the winter wonderland craziness in Eastwood!! I love you to bits!!!!! Di man ako magiging sister-in-law mo, well we're more than that. Sisters of the century! Hihi labo. Take care of Raiko for me :*
Here's to a bright and lovely future ahead of us, sissy! I love you and thank you!
Thank you to my own cousins who never got tired of my heartbreaking kwentos and kadramahan! I love you!!
Raquel Mendiola, Gino Mendiola, Miguel Mendiola, Ceska Mendiola and Pau Sevilla
Miguel Mendiola
Thank you, big brother for being kaladkarin. I love you!
