The Maine - Everything I Ask For
Life has a funny a way of turning things upside down. You wouldn't know when and how things will take its 180-degree turn -- you are expected to be ready to live with it or better yet, make the most out of it. Life will keep on surprising each one of us and we have to be ready to cope up with everything and anything that might come our way. "Everything changes" they said.. and I think, in a way, we're in control of these changes. It just surprises us when things go out of hand or things didn't end up the way we thought it would. Change is good. Change keeps us on our toes. Change is a tool for us to experience new and different things. Sometimes, change causes pain.. and this pain will serve as game-changer wherein it'll bring out the best and worst in you. It's up to you whether you'll help yourself to be better or you'll choose to get stuck with the shit that you're in. Truth.
Raph was my game-changer. He was the change, in human form, that came into my life and stayed in it for three years. Without a doubt, he brought out the best and worst in me. For the record, I was known as a cheater in my past relationships. Yes, I am really ashamed of that. People who knows me and my past might say that this is the continuation of my
'karma' but I beg to differ. I used to lie a lot; my exes might not know about it but oh well that's already part of the past. From the very start, the idea of having a relationship with him wasn't really on my mind not until I've gotten to know him better. Honestly, he didn't fall in any category of the guys that I'd probably like or have a crush on. It's just that he has this mysterious thing going on that made me like him. Plus the fact that he courted me for four years made me consider that he might really be the one for me since he didn't give up on me and the thought of us being together... not until now. (/wrist) There were no expectations at first. We spent time together doing childish stuff like playing Restaurant City from 4PM til 3AM. Weird, right? But we didn't mind at all since we played it together. Everything seems so simple back then. I remember summer of 2009 when we both cried because he was about to go to college and the thought of us, not seeing each other everyday was really.. i don't know. Devastating? I remember pa the music that played while we were hugging and crying together. (The song down there)
We The Kings - Secret Valentine
Raph was really a sweet guy before he stopped school. I don't know why he changed but unfortunately, he changed in a negative way. He would usually go to my house every Friday with korean ice cream + Nong Shim Shin cup + Oreos + Cheetos. We eat a lot; that's a fact. The food I mentioned were our favorite! Walang palya ang pag dala niya ng food pag pupunta dito. That's why we got so fat. Before LoL, he used to pluck my eyebrows and clean my nails. I even taught him how to remove his "in grown" -- spell check please? We usually do different things together like "derma-dermahan" or bake cookies/cupcakes or even make ceasar salad dressing because we wanted to go on a diet. I love how I can be myself with him.
This video made us eat Nong Shim shin cup! HOW TO BE KOREAN 101.
Raph eats like him and I don't understand why I couldn't do it.
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We can be ugly together.
Garnier mask: On |
The whole relationship was fun while it lasted. It was a definitely a roller coaster ride I would get into anytime. If I would be given a chance to relive the 3 years that we've spent together but will end up the same way it did.. I'd still accept it. In those 3 years, he really made me feel that I was loved and as cliche as it may sound, I felt like I was the luckiest girl in the world. The fights that we had were the ones that kept the love burning. We grew tired of all the fights, that's why our relationship went down the drain. -- Fact. Looking at the photos and the videos we have, made me realize that the 'kiss and make up' part after every fight was the one I always look forward to because that's the time when we go back to zero or start with a clean slate. If only we did the same thing we always do back then, everything will be alright. No one else can help me move on but myself. I should let go of every thing or memory that has something to do with him. It's okay to reminisce but not during the process of moving on. I have to pull myself together and be okay. He was able to do it.. he was able to let go. I should, too. I don't want to live in our past while he lives in his present. Things were better when he was around but I think everything will fall into its proper place in time. I'm not as strong as he is but I know I can surpass this.. and I will. I don't really have a choice. I can't say that he's the one that got away.. but what I can say is that I invested a lot and I gave him everything but still it isn't enough. All he needs is his computer games.. and his career? I've also realized that maybe the reason why he broke with me is that mahirap din for him to have a girlfriend as he enters showbiz. That's just the way it is. Someday, I'll eventually forget the hurt, the reason why I always cry at night, and who caused the pain. The secret of moving on is not revenge, but letting things unfold in their own way and at their own time. After all, what matters is not the first chapter of my life, but the last chapter for it will show how well I ran the race. I want to stop crying.. I don't want to dwell on the past anymore. I'm tired of the moments I have to beg myself to stop crying and for once, be strong and face the fact that it's really over. Again, no one can help me move on but myself. If only there's a machine which can make you forget of the person, I'd buy it. The worst part of moving on is when your partner has already moved on.. regardless if he has found someone new or not. Actions speak louder than words, they say.
It's funny how you look at some photos that will make you realize that there's nothing you can do to bring the past back no matter how hard you try. Just in any relationship, it involves two people's consent and effort for it to work out and be fruitful. Sadly, the path that Raph and I have came to an end but that doesn't mean my journey will end there. Our journey through life together siguro.. but not mine. He chose to travel alone and I should respect that. It will take time for the wounds to heal but I'm sure that someday I'll be okay. I'm ready to let go of the thought that I would marry Raph at the age of 25 and also the thought of naming our children: Rose Axel, Rumble, Rocket, and Renekton. I have to let go and move on. This isn't healthy for me. I'll make sure that the next guy i'll be with will be the one who I'll spend my whole life with. I don't commit to any guy just for the sake of having a boyfriend.. I always think of the future and if he's the one I want to grow old with. I promise to give him everything he'll ever need and to be the best for him. Oh well, I have to move on first. After every relationship, we really learn something that may or may not help in molding ourselves and our future. We change, that's a fact.. and I've said before, it's up to us if we'll change for the better or for the worst. What's important after a relationship ends is how you were with your past partner/lover -- if you gave more than what you can or if nag kulang ka. With this thought in mind, I can say naman na I was the best girlfriend I can ever be with him. I tried to the very end to make this relationship work, but to no avail.. he, himself, gave up. You can't force a person to spend his whole life with you.. you really can't. It's a sad truth. Maybe we weren't really meant for each other.. or maybe not. Who knows maybe we'll end up together eventually? But I'm not hoping. The only mistake I've made in this relationship was that I gave him everything and I forgot to leave some for myself.. Now, I'm left with nothing. I can't deny that I'm at the lowest point in my life but with the help of my friends and family, I'll get back on my feet in no time. I still love him very much and I wish I can just remove that love out of my system as soon as possible. I can't wait to meet someone new who'd make me forget about the pain and will prove to me that true love really exists.
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| BONNIE AND CLYDE!! |
I've already accepted the fact that we're over. I'm ready to close this chapter of my life and make a new one. It was a good run. I loved him til the very end. I'm ready to move on.
(Watch!)
Raph,
Thank you for the 3 years we've been together. I know it was a roller coaster ride but it was worth it naman diba? It's hard for me to accept the fact that we're over but I respect your decision. I wish you good luck on your new show. As much as I want to hate you, I just can't.. so I'll still love you instead. loljk. I have so many questions to ask but wag nalang since you don't want to talk about it. I want to let you know that I miss you everyday and I still love you. Have fun and I'll see you around. Take care of yourself. I still love you so much. :* :* :*
Tere
"Run, baby, run. Don't ever look back. They'll tear us apart if you give them the chance."
"The highlight comes when you kiss me.."
